Congratulations are in order, and trust me, you'll be hearing "congratulations" a lot in the coming weeks and months. You've just gotten engaged to the love of your life, and everyone is going to be thrilled!

(sidenote - if they aren't thrilled, screw them and be happy anyway! They probably suck or are jealous). 

I think the best thing to do after you get engaged is to just enjoy being engaged. It's your time to get to awkwardly call your significant other your "fiancée" or "fiancé" however you want to pronounce or spell it. The little apostrophe's are ridiculous, but don't mind me. You'll fumble around for a few weeks, still calling them your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and then, when it starts to hit that you've really passed a milestone in your relationship and you're starting to plan your life together, bam! Your terminology will magically correct itself and you'll be golden. No - that won't actually happen, you'll still mess it up all the time and be totally awkward with it, because French terms for describing the person who you're committed to but not yet married to but planning to marry are weird. I digress. 

Once you've come to the conclusion that it's time to start planning your wedding, there are three big decisions that need to happen first before really anything else can happen.

The Three Big Decisions:

#1 - how many people do we want to invite to this shindig?
#2 - how much money do we want to/have to/need to spend on this?
#5 (no - #3 sir!) - where do we want to host our celebration, and is there a certain time of year we are shooting for?

If you didn't get the Monty Python reference above, you need to go watch the Holy Grail, then you can come back to reading this. While the rest of this blog post has nothing to do with Monty Python, it's a great movie, and you should watch it. 

Back to the planning! Those three main decisions will determine the trajectory of your wedding planning. Knowing how many people need to be there will determine if you are going to have an all-out knock down crazy huge wedding, or an elopement at the courthouse, or something perfect in between. Do you need to invite your mother's neighbors gardeners nieces dog-sitters step brother? Well, maybe, if that person happens to be your fiancé, then probably...otherwise, no you probably don't. In reality, outside forces such as parents, especially if they are paying for all or a good portion of the celebration, will determine how many people are coming. If parents are paying, it is really hard to say no to certain people coming that they want to be there, even if you don't. Ensuring you have really open communication about what you want will hopefully help, but family dynamics are a pain in the ass and I'm a musician, not a family psychotherapist. 

We already talked a bit about the money, but you need to figure out who or how you are paying, and what you want to spend. Weddings ARE NOT CHEAP! There is no such thing as a cheap wedding. But also, events in general are not cheap. There are many factors to consider when looking at prices, and it isn't just the money going to the professionals you hire, the food you eat, the venue you party at. In reality, the prices for these services are high because everything else that we as professionals pay, costs money too. We have to pay for business licenses, insurance, equipment (and replacement equipment sometimes), costs for raw materials like your flowers if you're a florist or your basic food if you're a chef, etc etc. Many pros don't have a different charge for weddings as we do for any other event, it's just that getting 50-150 people together and having a full day event is not going to be cheap. That being said, there are ways to make your wedding absolutely amazing without spending a down payment on a house (which in San Diego is around $20-30k btw). I have performed at some amazingly lovely ceremonies that were in the $7-$15k range, and everything was beautiful. It all just depends on flexibility, finding the right venue, and bringing on the right people.

Finally - location location location. San Diego has more wedding venues than you'll ever be able to tour. If you even stretch your search out to Temecula wine country, or the beautiful hill country of Ramona and Julian, you'll find even more amazing places. These venues range from beautiful hotels and resorts, to wineries, castles, parks overlooking the ocean, community club rooms, equestrian centers, golf courses...I can keep typing. Actually, I already did - I put together this great list of some amazing venues we've performed at in the past, and you're welcome to browse them here. This list is by no means comprehensive, but when we have an opportunity to check out and perform at new venues, I try to make a new page with info that will hopefully be helpful to you. 

Your location will also determine what time of year will be best to host your wedding, for a number of reasons. San Diego is beautiful year round, but the summers in East County can get toasty, so if your crowd overheats easily, that might not be best. Spring time along the coast is amazing, but it gets cold at night and is usually foggy in the morning, so you want to consider that for pictures or for what your guests are wearing. Ultimately, talking to the venue, your planner, or your friendly neighborhood musician who knows San Diego County really well will help with determining what time of year is best at different venues. Also, keep in mind that San Diego does not have a traditional "wedding season" - we host weddings all year here in beautiful Southern California, but there may be some dates or days of the week that might save some money.

The Next Steps:

Once you've checked your budget, figured out your date, and secured your venue, now it's time to start checking in with the wedding professionals you want to bring on to make your day amazing. Here is a list of the wedding pros that are usually hired towards the beginning of the planning process, because they book out long in advance and sometimes you want to find a specific person to fit your style and budget:

• Officiant - this is typically one of the first people hired on once you have a date set. Officiant's will make or break your ceremony, you want to ensure that you hire someone that has experience, is comfortable, and has time to get to know you as a couple. Many officiants have "homework" assignments to complete that will help them build out their ceremony so it is personal to you both and meaningful for your friends and family. I have been to weddings that have been officiated by a newer celebrant or a friend or family member, it isn't always great. They get nervous, they get lost in the ceremony or say the wrong thing, they think they're being funny but they are cringy. This isn't the case for all friends or all new officiants, some are absolutely amazing, but if you want to ensure your wedding ceremony is lovely and touching and correctly funny and personal, I have some amazing officiants I can recommend. Remember, your officiant also needs to procure, fill out, and file all of the paperwork with the County of San Diego properly for you to be legally married - it is pretty important to get someone who knows what they are doing.
• Wedding Planner - also on the top of the list of pros to book early on. Many people think they can plan their wedding entirely on their own and that friends or family will help execute it, and I've seen it fail so many times. I can tell you stories of couples who didn't have it organized and it got to the wedding day and the ceremony time, and I've had to step in to make sure they know how a ceremony is orchestrated or how to get people down the aisle. A wedding planner is a valuable person to bring on, even if it isn't full planning and they just help with advice and coordination, it will save so much stress for you. Planners know...everything. They know everyone. They know amazing wedding pros to recommend, they insure they have the timelines for arrival and equipment and departure, they make sure the venue has everything needed, and they are there to make your day amazing, instead of relying on Aunt Linda who really just wants to be there to celebrate you, not to set the flowers out on your table. For those that are eloping or having a really small ceremony, a day-of planner is still a great person to rely on just to keep the timeline going and ensure everything happens. Keep in mind, if your venue has a coordinator - that person IS NOT your planner. They are there for the venue to make sure all the venue's needs are met. Unless your venue specifically provides a wedding planner, that coordinator is not contracted to help you out (but they probably still will, most venue coordinators are awesome people). 

Those are the two big ones, so lets move on to the other wedding professionals you might start reaching out to. You'll need to ensure you have a date, time, location to secure these services, because all of these pros work off their calendar and would need to check to ensure the date is available:

• Florals & Decorations - this is a must for many people, and the amount of florals and decoration will vary by wedding. Some opt for a full floral suite where they basically drag an entire garden into your venue and the bees outside are like "what the actual f...." ! Most people go for a modest amount of flowers in their ceremony and with centerpieces that suggest how special of an occasion this is and help accentuate colors. Some people need almost no florals at all, especially if you are in a well decorated space already or outside in a garden - and maybe flowers just aren't your thing. You'll still want to get ahold of your florist at least 8-12 months before your wedding to ensure they have the date available, and they can see if they'll need to bring on extra staff or order special arrangements in advance for setup. 
• Photography & Videography - most weddings have a photographer to capture all the feels, but I've seen more and more people bringing on a photo/video team to make sure all of the memories are not just still frame, but also live motion. Recent trends are also inclusive of a wedding content creator so you can post to all your followers about the amazing day you had and all the "behind the scenes" actions. Good photographers are booked almost a year out, and trust me there are few really good ones, a lot of pretty good ones, and then a bunch of people that went to Costco and bought a camera and now call themselves photographers. Don't get me wrong, photographers who have honed their skills and have been shooting weddings for a long time are amazing professionals and I have some great recommendations, but you'll find in many of the Facebook groups that when you ask for a photographer, you'll have over 100 people replying, because it's an easy field for people to get into with little initial skills and still call themselves a photographer. It's a little BS in my opinion, I wish there was a way to weed out amateurs, but again if you'd like recommendations on people who know what they're doing and aren't stealing someone else's images or using AI for their website, happy to chat with you. Don't rely on your friends to take mediocre cell phone photos of you, yes cell camera's are amazing, but you really want someone who knows the angles and the lighting and will make you look fab-u-lous! Side quest here - if you want to use the same photographer for your engagement shots, you'll need to book them sooner. Engagement photos aren't' for everyone, but they do give you a chance to have nice photos for your website or invites, and an opportunity to work with your photographer and get more comfortable with them. Your photographer will probably spend more time with you on your wedding day than any other person - yes, any other person.
• Rentals - similar to florals, you may need rentals, and you may not. If you're planning on getting married at an open slate venue, you'll need to coordinate tables, chairs, linens, maybe an arch, etc etc. San Diego has a number of one-stop rental companies who have an amazing selection of quality equipment that they can deliver, and the prices will vary depending on their availability and the type of rental you get (for instance, folding dinner tables may be less expensive than beautiful stained hardwood tables). You should contact rentals about 8-12 months out to secure them, but many of the larger companies in town will be able to work on a short timeline too. 
• Catering - this will make or break your wedding celebrations. Some venues like restaurants and hotels will have in-house catering, and they may not let you bring in outside chefs or caterers. This is an important thing to think about when looking at your venue. You may love a venue that is right on the water overlooking the harbor, but hate their food...keep looking for another venue, because their event food may not be to your liking. Also, don't automatically assume that the food from a restaurant you love going to with your sweetie is going to be the same that they put out for large events; many restaurants bring in a different chef or a catering team that might have a different style. Make sure you get to try all of the food that they will be serving your guests, and read the reviews from past couples on their wedding food. Your guests will, I REPEAT THEY WILL, comment on the amazing (or crappy) food from your wedding, much longer than they talk about almost anything else. Catering companies for event venues not associated with a restaurant would probably like between 6-9 months of lead time to get everything set and reserve the date with you. 
• Cake - here's the thing, I don't like wedding cake much. Yeah, they're this beautiful traditional thing that just screams "WEDDING" but by the end of the night, I typically don't want to eat anything else and I just would love some little finger food desserts. That being said, some of the cake masters in San Diego will present to you what can only be described as absolute tastebud and visual masterpieces, and having a unique and beautiful and scrumptious cake at your wedding is a sweet way to end the evening (see what I did there). The traditional "cake cutting" where one of you shoves a piece of cake at the other is hilarious. I think a great compromise is having a small cutting cake with your cake topper, and then having a bunch of other tasty treats like cookies, chocolate dipped strawberries, etc, so guests can choose what they'd like. Contact your preferred wedding cake designer about 6-8 months prior to your wedding. 
• Entertainment - yay that's us! Well, sorta us. Our group is the live music ensemble of many clients dreams. We make the ceremony and the cocktail hour burst with memorable and exciting tunes, and as part of the entertainment package, we really elevate the experience. But we aren't a dance music group, and most weddings have dancing, so you might also want to get ahold of a great DJ/Emcee or a live band for later in the evening. The emcee is a really important part of the wedding, and finding one that is comfortable, knowledgeable about your timeline and not cringy is really important. The emcee keeps the night moving, should play reasonable (read: low volume) music when guests are eating and chatting, and know how to get people on the dance floor when that's appropriate. Or, you can skip dancing if you'd like, it's your wedding - do what you want! DJs and live music groups tend to be contacted between 4-8 months before a wedding, and we do book up especially on weekends. Your DJ probably has packages for lighting, photobooth, and other forms of entertainment too - I can recommend some amazing DJ/Emcees who all have different styles and are excellent people.
• Makeup/Hair/Beauty - there are so many things to consider here. What you want to appear like on your wedding day is in the hands of someone you trust to make you look how you feel. Whether you are more minimalist, or want to cover up and change everything, is entirely up to you. Each beauty artist has their own style and has experience working on different clientele, so check with someone you connect with to see if you fit. You should be looking around 4-6 months out to book this professional. 

Some other things to consider that don't deal specifically with wedding pros, but that you'll need to add in your timeline:

• Wedding formal wear - if you're planning on dressing up (tuxes, dresses, etc) you'll need to get that sorted out with enough time for alterations, but also consider that people sometimes change in their shape each year (sometimes, cough cough). If you order a wedding gown too early and have it all finished up and altered, make sure you're checking on it a couple months out and that it still fits where you want it to. If you have a tux or a suit make sure to try it on at least a month out since those are easier to alter. Big time tip: you can take fabric off, but you can't put it back on....
• Wedding insurance - this is really important. You should look into getting an insurance policy that covers a number of things, including any injuries, or a postponement due to weather or a natural disaster, or a sickness to a family member. There are many possibilities that might happen, and there are different insurance policies that you can explore to see what might fit. You wouldn't want to spend multiple thousands or tens of thousands of dollars only for a massive emergency to require you to postpone, but you can't get money back. Insurance will help!
• Check the weather, but don't rely on anything. It may be hot in San Diego in January, or humid. It will definitely be overcast in May and June. It might rain in the fall or early winter. Our weather patterns are somewhat but not fully predictable. Most guests coming to San Diego have no idea what to pack, and don't expect that you will get four completely different weather forecasts depending on where in San Diego County you are (check it out: coast, inland, mountains, desert, it's crazy). 
• If you are planning a full weekend of activities and are not from SD, understand that San Diego is a MASSIVE county, and things generally are not close. Your out of town guests may need a rental car or you may need to provide transportation (I didn't put that service above, maybe I'll add it later). If you want everyone to be close and have a lot to do, consider planning all of your festivities near the San Diego Airport. There is A LOT to do around there, plenty of hotels of all price ranges and amenities, it is close to downtown (nightlife and restaurants), tons of museums and activities (and a world class zoo) in Balboa Park, lots of things to explore in Liberty Station, Sea World (if you're into that), boats on the bay, etc etc. If you'd like some ideas of fun wedding weekend activities in San Diego, feel free to reach out, I love being creative and talking to people about what they can do. 
• Wedding websites are incredibly helpful and you should have one that is updated regularly with helpful information, especially for out of town guests. People will need to get plane reservations, hotels, maybe a rental car, so having as much information on locations and timing is going to be beneficial. There are many places to make a simple yet nice website, including wedding planning websites like The Knot or WeddingWire (and others, I'm not specifically promoting them). 

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I will keep adding to this as time permits - are there things I'm missing? Feel free to put it in the comments. I hope this helps for some of your wedding planning and that reading this gave you a chuckle and put you somewhat at ease for your planning. This engagement is meant to be joyful and celebratory, but yes there are inherent stressors in there too. Don't let the stress ruin the mood, work with your partner to plan out what makes you happy, don't listen to negative people, and you'll be fine - YOU GOT THIS!

The San Diego Style Weddings Magazine had an amazingly well attended launch party this week at Venue808 in downtown San Diego. Bringing together professionals from the wedding industry including planners, photographers, designers, craft drinks, catering & desserts, musicians, and many more awesome people. It was my first time getting to visit Venue808, which I was so looking forward to after seeing the amazing pictures of the space all over social media - it did not disappoint!

Here are all of the wedding professionals that were there - we got pictures of/with many of them, but others provided amazing contributions behind the scenes that made the event epic:
Venue | @venue808
Host | @sdstyleweddings
Catering | @socialtapcatering
Event Design | @tbdsandiego
Photo Booth | @selfiestationco
Live Music | @bonniefosterproductions
Live Illustration | @isjcreative
Candles | @socalcandlerentals
Visuals | @rhodes.audiovisual
Rentals | @bbjlatavola @annettelbravo
Cake | @connorscraftcakes
Party Favors | @bygrace.decor @refinedbysuher
Cabetos | @cabetospops
Champagne Skirt | @melschampagneskirts
Event Design | @conceptseventdesign
Signage | @fastsigns_encinitas
Coffee | @intuicioncafe