You Are Engaged - Now What? A Guide to Some Wedding Planning in San DiegoCongratulations are in order, and trust me, you'll be hearing "congratulations" a lot in the coming weeks and months. You've just gotten engaged to the love of your life, and everyone is going to be thrilled!
(sidenote - if they aren't thrilled, screw them and be happy anyway! They probably suck or are jealous). I think the best thing to do after you get engaged is to just enjoy being engaged. It's your time to get to awkwardly call your significant other your "fiancée" or "fiancé" however you want to pronounce or spell it. The little apostrophe's are ridiculous, but don't mind me. You'll fumble around for a few weeks, still calling them your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and then, when it starts to hit that you've really passed a milestone in your relationship and you're starting to plan your life together, bam! Your terminology will magically correct itself and you'll be golden. No - that won't actually happen, you'll still mess it up all the time and be totally awkward with it, because French terms for describing the person who you're committed to but not yet married to but planning to marry are weird. I digress. Once you've come to the conclusion that it's time to start planning your wedding, there are three big decisions that need to happen first before really anything else can happen. The Three Big Decisions: #1 - how many people do we want to invite to this shindig? #2 - how much money do we want to/have to/need to spend on this? #5 (no - #3 sir!) - where do we want to host our celebration, and is there a certain time of year we are shooting for? If you didn't get the Monty Python reference above, you need to go watch the Holy Grail, then you can come back to reading this. While the rest of this blog post has nothing to do with Monty Python, it's a great movie, and you should watch it. Back to the planning! Those three main decisions will determine the trajectory of your wedding planning. Knowing how many people need to be there will determine if you are going to have an all-out knock down crazy huge wedding, or an elopement at the courthouse, or something perfect in between. Do you need to invite your mother's neighbors gardeners nieces dog-sitters step brother? Well, maybe, if that person happens to be your fiancé, then probably...otherwise, no you probably don't. In reality, outside forces such as parents, especially if they are paying for all or a good portion of the celebration, will determine how many people are coming. If parents are paying, it is really hard to say no to certain people coming that they want to be there, even if you don't. Ensuring you have really open communication about what you want will hopefully help, but family dynamics are a pain in the ass and I'm a musician, not a family psychotherapist. We already talked a bit about the money, but you need to figure out who or how you are paying, and what you want to spend. Weddings ARE NOT CHEAP! There is no such thing as a cheap wedding. But also, events in general are not cheap. There are many factors to consider when looking at prices, and it isn't just the money going to the professionals you hire, the food you eat, the venue you party at. In reality, the prices for these services are high because everything else that we as professionals pay, costs money too. We have to pay for business licenses, insurance, equipment (and replacement equipment sometimes), costs for raw materials like your flowers if you're a florist or your basic food if you're a chef, etc etc. Many pros don't have a different charge for weddings as we do for any other event, it's just that getting 50-150 people together and having a full day event is not going to be cheap. That being said, there are ways to make your wedding absolutely amazing without spending a down payment on a house (which in San Diego is around $20-30k btw). I have performed at some amazingly lovely ceremonies that were in the $7-$15k range, and everything was beautiful. It all just depends on flexibility, finding the right venue, and bringing on the right people. Finally - location location location. San Diego has more wedding venues than you'll ever be able to tour. If you even stretch your search out to Temecula wine country, or the beautiful hill country of Ramona and Julian, you'll find even more amazing places. These venues range from beautiful hotels and resorts, to wineries, castles, parks overlooking the ocean, community club rooms, equestrian centers, golf courses...I can keep typing. Actually, I already did - I put together this great list of some amazing venues we've performed at in the past, and you're welcome to browse them here. This list is by no means comprehensive, but when we have an opportunity to check out and perform at new venues, I try to make a new page with info that will hopefully be helpful to you. Your location will also determine what time of year will be best to host your wedding, for a number of reasons. San Diego is beautiful year round, but the summers in East County can get toasty, so if your crowd overheats easily, that might not be best. Spring time along the coast is amazing, but it gets cold at night and is usually foggy in the morning, so you want to consider that for pictures or for what your guests are wearing. Ultimately, talking to the venue, your planner, or your friendly neighborhood musician who knows San Diego County really well will help with determining what time of year is best at different venues. Also, keep in mind that San Diego does not have a traditional "wedding season" - we host weddings all year here in beautiful Southern California, but there may be some dates or days of the week that might save some money. The Next Steps: Once you've checked your budget, figured out your date, and secured your venue, now it's time to start checking in with the wedding professionals you want to bring on to make your day amazing. Here is a list of the wedding pros that are usually hired towards the beginning of the planning process, because they book out long in advance and sometimes you want to find a specific person to fit your style and budget:
Those are the two big ones, so lets move on to the other wedding professionals you might start reaching out to. You'll need to ensure you have a date, time, location to secure these services, because all of these pros work off their calendar and would need to check to ensure the date is available:
Some other things to consider that don't deal specifically with wedding pros, but that you'll need to add in your timeline:
I will keep adding to this as time permits - are there things I'm missing? Feel free to put it in the comments. I hope this helps for some of your wedding planning and that reading this gave you a chuckle and put you somewhat at ease for your planning. This engagement is meant to be joyful and celebratory, but yes there are inherent stressors in there too. Don't let the stress ruin the mood, work with your partner to plan out what makes you happy, don't listen to negative people, and you'll be fine - YOU GOT THIS!
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AuthorDan is the bassoonist & one of the founders of the LCQ. Archives
November 2024
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